Faith formation during adolescence, early, and emerging adulthood is widely acknowledged to be significantly shaped by friendships, and devout religious university students often develop strong, and sometimes exclusive, relational networks.^[1] This section examines whether these patterns continue into established adulthood for Millennial Christians. It is set against the backdrop of what has been described as an “epidemic of loneliness” – particularly among men – and a 2019 YouGov survey that labelled American Millennials as the “loneliest generation” – 30% reporting that they always or often felt lonely, and a fifth reporting that they had no friends.^[2]

Trusted confidants

Participants were asked to reflect on how many people – excluding partners and family – they could share highly personal information with, such as medical or financial matters.

The results were generally encouraging: only a very small number reported having no one in whom they could confide. 43% had three to six trusted confidants, aligning with Dunbar’s model of typical social connection.^[3] Strikingly, 38% reported having seven or more trusted confidants, which was significantly higher than the reported 10% of their secular peers.^[4] 80% said that most or all of these confidants were friends.

Personality played a role in the number of close confidants. Some participants described a history of social difficulty, sometimes due to neurodiversity or mental health challenges. Others explained that their introversion meant a few close friends were sufficient. Conversely, there were gregarious individuals who actively cultivated large networks of close friends. The majority, however, described having a broad network alongside a trusted “small inner circle.”

When compared to their mid-twenties – typically the peak of one’s friendship network – participants provided varied responses.

Approximately one in five (17%) reported a significant reduction in close connections, mirroring normal trends, while one in ten (9%) had seen their network grow significantly. Several attributed this growth to their conversion and subsequent inclusion in a church community. For the vast majority, however, the number of close friendships had remained relatively stable.

Who and where are their friends?

Asked about the characteristics of their close friends, most responses reflected typical patterns of social similarity.^[5] A substantial 85% indicated that most or all of their close friends were of the same sex, and 72% noted that their close friends were of a similar age. Furthermore, 76% reported that all or most of their close friends were Christian, though a majority were not situated within their current congregation.

It was striking how many of these friendships were long-standing. Ninety percent of participants had at least some close friendships lasting more than a decade, and 43% said this was true for all or most of their close friends. Nearly half, therefore, had extremely stable close friendships, with the majority maintaining connections formed during their teens or early twenties. For example, Rob described his school friends: “I have two or three guys I’m very close with. It can sometimes be weeks or months between communication, but then we just pick up where we left off.” Despite physical distance, technology enabled 62% to maintain meaningful contact with these longstanding friends at least twice a month. This had its limitations, though. Theresa said, “Three of us from Uni just have a rolling WhatsApp chat. We’re on it most days. It’s great – but we can’t pick up each other’s kids from school, or do anything practical to help each other really.”

Patterns of friendship

There were notable patterns of friendship based on how long participants had lived in their region.

Locals who had remained in their hometown often had half or more of their close friends living within five miles. These were frequently childhood connections and were often non-Christian. (They had the highest levels of close non-Christian friends.) Some, particularly women, considered family members as their closest friends. Returning home after studying was common, leading to either a concentration of friendships within their historic home church or, conversely, difficulty in forming new church friendships due to already established local relationships. The main exceptions to these long-term patterns were adult converts, who often experienced ruptured historic friendships and now depended primarily on church networks for close connections.

Long-term incomers, both British and international, typically had a lower proportion of local close friends, despite having lived in the area for over five years. Only a third of their close friends lived nearby, and 72% said few or none of their closest friends were in their church. Many British participants had formed their closest friendships at university, predominantly with Christians. While some remained in the region, many described a gradual dispersal over the past decade(s). “My circle of friends has grown smaller as people move away.” For some, this was fine; Laura said, “I have a smaller circle or better quality friends now.” But others found it very difficult. “I often feel lonely because a lot of my friends aren’t where I live now.”

Male participants often admitted to being poor at staying in touch. Joe said, “Technology turns friendship into an admin task! I get enough of that at work, I don’t need to be dealing with emails and messages at home too!” Despite this, many still considered these friends those they would turn to in a crisis, as one put it, their “two-am friends.” Others made intentional efforts to meet once or twice a year for deep conversation and prayer, but it was unusual for them to replace historic relationships with new intimate ones. In contrast, women tended to maintain ongoing contact with historic friends –often via WhatsApp – and were more proactive in building new, proximal friendships, retaining similar-sized social networks. Parents had the disadvantage of less time but the benefit of connection through their children. Consequently, some had made good friendships outside church, although this had often taken considerable persistence on their part.

Despite technology and church connections, Millennial mobility creates a relational challenge.

Recent arrivals, those who had moved within the last five years, reported even fewer local close friendships: 86% of recent British incomers and 95% of those from overseas had few or no close friends locally, with 86% also stating their close friends were not in their church. This group experienced the greatest social isolation, frequently noting the difficulty of finding churches which contained peers and building new friendships in their thirties. Many found themselves caught between visiting old friends at weekends to stave off loneliness and struggling to form local relationships. Conversely, Brian said, “I’ve put so much energy into trying to fit in here, I’ve neglected my (historic) friendships in X and Y (locations). How do I approach this? It’s hard because its three different places!” Evidently,despite technology and church connections, Millennial mobility creates a relational challenge.

For international incomers, close friends were either very local or overseas, the vast majority being Christian. Local friendships were typically formed through church with people from similar backgrounds, bonding over shared experiences of adapting to a new culture. Several found making British friends difficult, anxious not to transgress cultural norms. Longer-term friends might remain back home or be globally scattered, with technology playing a crucial role in maintaining these relationships due to the prohibitive cost of visiting.

Satisfaction with friendship networks

At one level, it doesn’t matter how many friends someone has, or where they are, if they are content. Therefore, participants were asked how satisfied they were with their current wider network of friendships.

Satisfaction. Approximately a third (30%) reported being very satisfied, often describing themselves as intentional in maintaining and building their networks and grateful for them. Although a small number (10 individuals) were very satisfied with just one or two close friends, they typically had larger social networks: 54% reporting seven or more close friends (compared with the 34% average). They described long-standing friendships and, often, groups of friends. These relationships provided them with security and support, whether through deep, reflective conversations or enjoyable shared activities. Some friendships involved regular, day-to-day interactions, practical support, and conversation around common challenges like parenting or work. Others were more sporadic but deeply trusted to “Have my back, no matter what.”

Dissatisfaction. About a quarter were actively dissatisfied (22%). They had the smallest number of close friends. Only 9 individuals (15%) had more than seven, and 33% reported just one or two. The moderately satisfied comprised half (49%) of the overall sample. 40% of that group had seven or more close friends, and 12% had just one or two. Common sources of dissatisfaction included missing friends who had moved away, a desire for more local or non-church friends, and the wish for a close-knit group of friends – “ Like the TV show!” A repeated frustration, though, was with superficiality, especially a lack of deeper or more spiritually focused relationships. A number of men expressed this. “I don’t think there’s a culture of friendship in the church between men. My wife’s got really close friends in church, so it’s not a church issue. I think it’s a men issue!” Another said, “I don’t know what we do? We have like a football team, we do social stuff together – there’s a place for guys to make friends. But there’s a depth of friendship that seems to be lacking.” A third became animated, “We view friendship as something that you have a couple of people over for dinner once in a while and that’s the full extent of it. But friendship between David and Jonathan for example was physical, it was emotional, it was very sincere and serious and I think we have really lost that in the modern church.”

“I’ve found it hard to spend time with friends. The main people I see are at church or homegroup. It’s difficult to go out and see people in the evening due to tiredness or getting the kids to bed. I’ve been trying recently, but it’s hard to get things in the diary.”

Geography and time emerged as recurring themes. It is well documented that intimate friendship is the result of time spent.^[6] Having had that during the relative freedom of emerging adulthood, younger participants were struggling to adjust. Like Brian, another said, “It’s hard to know the right balance between maintaining close friendships with those who live far away and building stronger/newer friendships with those who are proximate.” By their late thirties or early forties, many seemed content (or resigned) to smaller, settled social circles. They simply felt constrained by time pressures from work and family commitments from spending time with existing friends, never mind having the capacity to make new ones. For example, “I’ve found it hard to spend time with friends. The main people I see are at church or homegroup. It’s difficult to go out and see people in the evening due to tiredness or getting the kids to bed. I’ve been trying recently, but it’s hard to get things in the diary.” One summarised, “The issue is capacity for the number of friendships I can maintain. I look forward to that capacity expanding as the kids age.”

Some participants who were dissatisfied attributed this to a history of social difficulty or regretted their failure to maintain relationships. Single and child-free individuals sometimes felt excluded as their friends’ lives changed, giving them less freedom to socialise. They had not changed but their network had shrunk around them. Married men, in particular, acknowledged a heavy reliance on their partners to maintain a social network, with one noting, “If she died, I’d be in big trouble. I’d probably never go anywhere!” This left single men at a distinct social disadvantage.

Dissatisfaction was most acute for those who had relocated, especially those in small communities or churches with limited opportunities for peer friendships. However, even in larger congregations, some described being among peers who lacked the inclination or capacity to build new connections. One reflected, “Finding people who have time to make friends outside of their already established friendships is hard. It took me a long time to find new deep friendships, particularly with people my age in the Northeast.”

Friendship is built on time spent together. When time is limited, making friends is hard.

In interviews, several incomers described experiencing superficial friendliness but struggling to forge meaningful connections as ‘outsiders’. One speculated that perhaps people saw change as bad – because historically, for the region, it so often had been. Therefore, incomers were regarded with suspicion, coming to “Flip the house, make money, and leave.” Tom theorised, “People often say, the Northeast are really friendly people. But (and I say this as a native) I think we are, but we have quite firm limits. Often that’ll be the threshold of my house – You don’t come in here. And I’ve seen that.” Some participants reported how, even with deliberate effort, becoming an accepted part of a community and forging genuine friendships could take a number of years. Consequently, they gravitated to other newcomers or connected through their children. Church helped, but moving in one’s thirties is difficult. Very simply, friendship is built on time spent together. When time is limited, making friends is hard.

Impact on faith

A key objective of this study was to examine how friendship affects faith among adult Millennials. As we’ve seen, most of these resilient disciples do have at least some Christian friends, and some have a social network made entirely of them. A few described being the only Millennial in their church, but having Christian peer friendships elsewhere. What became evident was that friends who have faith do encourage people in their own discipleship but not always in expected ways.

Very few reported praying together – although, when asked, they didn’t know why not. They prayed for each other, but rarely with each other.

A number described talking about faith and praying with specific individuals or “prayer triplets” as part of the long-established shape of their relationships. However, for most, ‘faith talk’ was not common outside church settings like homegroups. Some described discussing how to parent as Christians in a secular environment, or faith coming into conversations about work, relationships, and ethical decisions. However, most conversations appeared to be about life within a framework of shared values rather than overtly about faith itself. Some participants described deliberately not talking about faith struggles due to concerns about undermining their friend’s belief or causing tension in the relationship. Similarly, a number commented that the advice they received was “Not that different than my non-Christians friends would give me”. Very few reported praying together – although, when asked, they didn’t know why not. They prayed for each other, but rarely with each other. Several described being more likely to talk directly about faith and pray with older friends or mentors than their peers.

There were notable exceptions. Newer believers, international participants, and those in leadership roles were more likely to speak openly and regularly with friends and colleagues about Jesus. Some expressed frustration that others were not as enthusiastic about faith-related conversations, wishing for friends who shared their level of zeal.

. Simply knowing others who continued to attend church and maintain their faith, when many had not, was a source of encouragement.

For many, the greatest benefit of Christian friendship was the solidarity it provided: having peers who shared their beliefs, values, and life experiences. Simply knowing others who continued to attend church and maintain their faith, when many had not, was a source of encouragement. One participant expressed it as, “I’m not the only one left.” Observing peers navigating similar life stages while retaining their faith instilled confidence. Given their position as a small religious minority, this solidarity was particularly significant. In a rapidly changing cultural landscape, facing adulthood alongside empathetic peers provided comfort. While older believers played a valuable role, they had not experienced the challenges of emerging adulthood, raising young families in a highly secular digital age, nor the particular tensions around issues such as LGBTQIA+ inclusivity. Peers who “get it” and are also seeking to live as followers of Jesus offered a sense of solidarity that, despite their valuable support, those who were older often could not.

Overall

Most participants had at least some close friends, a majority of whom shared their faith. Despite this, many were dissatisfied with their social network. They were often frustrated at lack of time and capacity to maintain existing friendships and/or make new ones, including with non-Christians. Close friends tended to be historic and (apart from those who had always lived locally) frequently living at a considerable distance. This was particularly true among men, who, although better connected than secular peers, tended to have smaller networks and be dependent on partners for social connection. Women were more likely to intentionally maintain a consistently sized social circle and use technology to maintain intimacy with long-distance friends.

In terms of supporting their Christian faith, while international participants were very intentional about encouraging each other, British participants primarily described a sense of solidarity as the primary benefit, rather than faith-talk or praying together. Religious belief still seems to carry a legacy of being a private matter – even among close friends who share it – although some expressed frustration at that. Nonetheless, having peers who share their faith continues to be important for Millennials in established adulthood, and they will seek out congregations that have at least some. Since finding churches where they can cultivate those relationships can be difficult in smaller communities in the Northeast, they often gravitate towards larger congregations. Building meaningful friendships in a busy life stage is still challenging and takes a long time, and relocation comes with significant social cost. For Millennials to build the local social networks, which many say they aspire to, requires both sacrificial hospitality from those who are already established and proactivity from those who have moved.

Reflection and discussion

These will not all be appropriate in every context, but are designed to begin helpful conversation after reading Section 4.

• What do you recognise in this section? To what extent do you think it describes Millennial friendships?
• How have you tried to navigate maintaining existing friendships whilst establishing new ones?
• What are your reflections on encouraging meaningful male friendships, especially in church?
• Why do you think many Millennials appear not to talk about faith or pray with their Christian friends? How far do you think we should encourage a change in that?
• Given all the pressures of this life stage, what do you think hospitality and generosity in friendship to outsiders or newcomers might look like?

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Footnotes

[1] Sonia Sharma and Mathew Guest, ‘Navigating Religion between University and Home: Christian Students’ Experiences in English Universities’, Social and Cultural Geography, Vol.14.1 (2-13), 59-79

[2] https://www.weforum.org/stories/2019/08/the-millennial-friendship-crisis/ (accessed 01.10.25)

[3] Robin Dunbar, Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships (London: Hachette, 2021)

[4] http://yougov.co.uk/socity/articles/38493-yougov-friendship-study/ (2021) (Accessed 01.10.25)

[5] Robin Dunbar, Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships (London: Hachette, 2021)

 Noreena Hertz, The Lonely Century (London: Sceptre, 2020)

[6] Robin Dunbar, Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships (London: Hachette, 2021)

Photo by Thierry Lemaitre on Unsplash