A recurring theme among participants was how their demanding lifestyles were impacted by and affected their spiritual lives – particularly for the two-thirds who were parents. Theresa likened her family’s routine to “Being on a bicycle, cycling. As long as we keep pedalling it works!” Juggling multiple responsibilities – particularly with young children – had a notable impact on their faith journeys, especially for those whose spirituality involves quiet reflection, Bible reading, or charismatic worship.^[1]

The decade of one’s thirties is inherently demanding. However, the extended period of ‘emerging adulthood’ has heightened these pressures. With significant numbers of Millennials having delayed parenthood into their thirties, they often find themselves balancing significant professional, church, and family obligations simultaneously. Many described this period as overwhelming, leaving them exhausted or stretched thin. This section explores how faith is shaped by these experiences, including the perspectives of singles and those without children in traditions where family is often idealised.

Spiritual practices

Participants frequently mentioned that juggling responsibilities had an impact on their spiritual practices. One admitted, “I have less time now as I have children, so I’m more tired and grumpy. That means less prayer and Bible reading. I know I should, but I don’t have the energy or motivation.” Despite this, since their mid-twenties:

• 80% reported consistent (54%) or increased (26%) church attendance.
• 75% said they prayed as much (33%) or more (42%) than before.
• 40% experienced a decrease in Bible engagement.

These patterns are influenced by those who have become religious professionals, recent converts, and the third of participants without children. However, overall, prayer lives had become more frequent but spontaneous, while engaging with the Bible was more challenging.

To adapt, participants used a range of different practices. Some adopted liturgy, Lectio Divina, or the examen. Others relied on technology or made time for retreats and conferences. Many emphasised communal faith, joining Bible study groups, finding prayer partners or mentors, or fostering hospitality. Their approach to spiritual practices became more flexible and holistic. As one explained:

“My practices are more grounded in community than they used to be, and also more free. I no longer feel duty-bound to try and fit in a quiet time in the morning or guilty for missing one. I find time with God when I’m outside, on a run, or round the table with friends.”

Gender differences

Interviews revealed a gender gap in experience. Fathers found it difficult to carve out time for personal spiritual practices but often managed – some got up early, others prayed or listened to podcasts during commutes or exercising. For most, finding time alone was challenging but achievable. They were also more likely than their wives to hold positions of responsibility within church, thus attending more meetings.

It seems likely that most mothers were balancing household and childcare duties alongside careers – often without local family support – which was impacting their faith.

For mothers, the struggle was more pronounced. While those with older children found it easier, many mothers had to squeeze in worship music, audio Bibles, or devotionals during chores. Some found self-compassion for the season of life, but others felt their faith was stretched almost to breaking point by a lack of spiritual engagement. Mothers were also more likely to describe experiencing isolation, especially from biological families, whether because of distance or complex relationships. In Northeast communities where many local women have biological family nearby, a number of incomers described how the absence of immediate family support was deeply felt – even if church communities tried to help. Much evidence points to the increased mental load women carry and the unequal division of domestic work, including childcare, even when women are employed.^[2] With only 5% of participants being stay-at-home parents, it seems likely that most mothers were balancing household and childcare duties alongside careers – often without local family support – which was impacting their faith.

Other challenges around parenthood

Parenthood is intrinsically challenging, but some participants described additional difficulties, leading them to question their faith and beliefs. Coping with infertility, miscarriage or neonatal loss was especially hard, and participants had received varied theological advice. Some mothers shared their struggles with severe postnatal depression, and a few fathers spoke of guilt when newborns worsened their mental health. Choosing to have only one child also brought implicit and explicit expectations from others. As Tanya expressed:

“The motherhood stuff has been really difficult to process. There’s a lot of guilt. We’re not having any more kids because of how hard it was with [child] and I feel really guilty about that, because most Christian families have multiple children. I’m just like, ‘Oh, God, what is wrong with me? Why am I this way? Why can’t I…?”

Such experiences can also bring theological struggles that are not always answered – especially in churches where celebration is emphasised and lament is uncommon.

The dream of a family rarely includes the possibility of profound pain, nor the realities of infertility, mental health challenges, loss, or disability. While faith and church communities can help, [with fertility challenges and bereavements] such experiences can also bring theological struggles that are not always answered – especially in churches where celebration is emphasised and lament is uncommon.

The positive impact of parenthood

Despite the difficulties, many found that parenthood deepened their faith. They learned patience, sacrifice, and grace, and their prayer lives often became richer. Some described a new or reframed understanding of God’s love. As Andy explained:

“The love I feel for my son is just so overwhelming sometimes. That’s God talking to me. I class myself as a caretaker. Basically, God’s like, ‘Look, I’ve put you in charge while he’s there. He’s my son, just like you’re my son.’”

A number had adopted children. This shaped, and was in turn shaped by, their theology, especially around disability, neurodiversity, and inclusion. Above all, participants wanted to pass on faith to their children, recognising that their church-going kids were in the minority among their peers. This prompted intentional modelling of Bible reading, prayer, and church attendance – often increasing these practices or encouraging greater reflection. One said, “Having children has helped shape my faith as I now look at ways to bring them up with Christian foundations, something that was never part of my life growing up. That has pushed me closer to the LORD.”

They also tried to model generosity, hospitality, and service, hoping their children would find faith communities meaningful. Many were grateful for churches that welcomed and included their children and had changed church to find one. As Marie summed up:

“If I can get four kids to adulthood who love Jesus – that’s goal accomplished as far as I’m concerned.”

“What I want for the future is that the kids would be happy – it’s as simple as that. I don’t really mind what they’re doing, but that they would know God, and that they would be happy. I think if I can get four kids to adulthood who love Jesus – that’s goal accomplished as far as I’m concerned.”

Single and older parents

Single parents faced all the above challenges more intensely, in addition to potentially feeling stigmatised. The biggest hurdle they described was church assumptions that all parents had partners, making participation in events and services difficult or impossible. Faith remained essential, with God as their anchor, but support networks were smaller and isolation greater. Morgan explained:

“I think about all the people who’ve come through my church, where I wondered why they didn’t stay connected or what didn’t quite work for them as single parents. I see it now, because there isn’t a place for you. Everything’s geared at you being a couple. Churches have good intentions, but there’s this presumption that you’re in a small group, but if you’re not, nobody notices if you’re not there or what’s happening. They’ll preach on a Sunday, and anything you need beyond that is expected to funnel through that system, and if you can’t be part of it for logistical reasons then there’s no way for you.”

Those who began a family at a younger age also described feeling ‘other’ in some congregations. They had been in the trenches of sleepless nights and nappies while their peers were embracing freedom in their twenties. Now in their thirties, they had older children and more in common with those who were older than their peers. Some had embraced this, while others found it socially isolating. It is important that church communities recognise that no generation is homogenous. Some Millennials at 40 have tiny babies, while others have children entering employment or leaving home.

The ‘child-free’

A third of participants did not have children. Their lives were full, with work, leadership, and volunteering, though some faced health limitations. Younger participants (around 30) mostly expected to become parents eventually, but others – both heterosexual and LGBTQIA+ – were uncertain. Older, single, child-free Millennials (around 40) didn’t anticipate parenthood but often invested in the next generation via meaningful relationships with nephews, nieces, or friends’ children.

“Couples hang out with couples, and families with families – where do we fit?”

However, being single and child-free in a heteronormative society and church through their thirties had been difficult. Many reported feeling left behind and isolated as peers married and had children, experiencing shame, judgement, or pity. “Dreaded questions” and assumptions were common as well as social isolation. “Couples hang out with couples, and families with families – where do we fit?” was how one put it. Data shows that many young women are leaving the church.^[3] There are a variety of reasons for this but some who want partners (and children) and find them outside the church, face disapproval and abandon their faith altogether.

Overall

Ultimately, it is vital that churches respect, include, and celebrate those who are single or child-free, as well as those raising families and the children themselves.

As has always been the case, being a parent is hard work. However, delaying parenthood until their thirties has created a specific set of professional and family pressures which many of the participants were experiencing. Having children has both positive and negative impacts on Christian faith, often because established practices are disrupted and have to be re-negotiated. Above all else, though, Millennial Christians want their children to have faith and are often anxious about how to model, communicate and encourage that, given the environment their children are growing up in. They deeply value church communities that help them with that. However, a third of participants were not parents, and ultimately, it is vital that churches respect, include, and celebrate those who are single or child-free, as well as those raising families and the children themselves.

Reflection and discussion

These will not all be appropriate in every context, but are designed to begin helpful conversation after reading Section 3.

• What in this section resonates with what you have experienced or see in those around you?
• How do you think we might encourage parents (especially mothers) to meaningfully find God in this life-stage and celebrate that, rather than feel guilty or disappointed?
• What are the things you think parents want support in when it comes to encouraging faith in their children? What might that look like in our context?
• In what ways are we supporting children’s spiritual development well, and where is there room for improvement?
• What ideas do you have to help us become a church community that models counter-cultural inclusivity and genuinely values those who are single parents, child-free, or unmarried?

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Footnotes

[1] Collins, H: When Worship Doesn’t Work: Contrasting Concepts of Transformation for Mothers in the Charismatic Movement, Practical Theology, Vol 12, 2019 (5) 

[2] Reich-Stiebert N, Froehlich L, Voltmer JB. Gendered Mental Labor: A Systematic Literature Review on the Cognitive Dimension of Unpaid Work Within the Household and Childcare. Sex Roles. 2023;88 (11-12):475-494

[3] http://www.barna.com/research/five-factors-changing- womens-relationships-with-churches/ (accessed 03.09.25)

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash